In the first section of building championship habits, I touched on time management and focusing on small accomplishments (successes). For the second part of this thread, I’ve decided to go a bit more situational and discuss a trend that I truly believe youth need to understand and learn how to recognize and self-reflect on:
Surrounding Yourself with Successful (and Positive) People
The suggestion sounds pretty straight forward right? But what does that actually mean for your child and who they surround themselves with on a daily basis.
For starters, surrounding yourself with positive people in general can help promote:
- A support system for them to reach out to (emotional regulation)
- Motivation to complete tasks and goals
- Self-confidence and self-esteem (even sometimes when your don't have any yourself)
- General well-being and mental health
- Challenging yourself to reach new achievements; that there is something bigger out there and you need to go get it!
What kids can do to evaluate their situation
A common saying is that you are the average of the five people you spend the most time with - so ask yourself these questions and write them down on a piece of paper.
1. First, identify what "good" means to you? What qualities from people make them happy, feel appreciated, and motivated in life? Some people may choose laughter, some challenge, some spiritual. Who are the most positive people you know? Get to know them better, spend more time with them.
2. Look at your current friends.
Would you call them positive people?
Do they make you feel like you have what it takes to reach your goals?
Do they support you?
Do you you feel happy and energized after spending time with them?
Are they enthusiastic? Is it contagious?
Do they add value to your life?
Do they have a positive impact on your life?
Do you all have your own individual interests?
Do you feel drained or energetic when you are with them? Do they encourage you and give you their own opinion for your best interest?
If you answered “yes” to these questions, you’re probably already surrounded yourself with some pretty good people. Surrounding yourself with successful and positive people starts with identification and self-analysis. Kids should look into their closest circle of friends and determine if they are truly happy and want to continue heading down that pathway in life. You should find people who constantly push you and celebrate your successes; not point out your flaws or insult you. Choose your friends wisely, and be a great one for those who choose you!
Positive People Indicators
How do you recognize people with positive intentions and successful traits? Some indicators may include:
People who love life
People who are truly good people and have your best interests at heart
People who challenge you and build you up
People who listen, not talk
People who trust enough to follow
People that are influential
People who care about your well-being
Recognizing Negative Influences (and what it means for you)
Do any of these feelings occur when you are with your friends? Do you feel upset or down when you are with them or after spending time with them? What do you even think of spending time with them right now? Some feelings and indicators that may arise include:
Depression and Anxiety
Lack of Creativity
Poor performance (academic, athletic, personal goals)
Lack of sleep
Developing bad habits (laziness, emotional control)
Lack of Motivation (goal setting, confidence)
What a life coach can do for your child: Building their values
As a life coach, one exercise that I use with all my clients early in our meetings are defining who they truly are, what they believe in, and what they value the most from themselves and from their friends. By doing this, youth get to recognize and talk openly about what they appreciate about themselves and what they look for in themselves and in others. Additionally, being able to identify strengths can allow them to use their characteristics to their advantage when goal-setting and creating championship habits! Some life statements that have been created by my clients include:
"I will only grow if I accept the challenges, and will pass them when I stay determined. I may not be awarded instantly, but I will be patient."
"I like to make sure that I am healthy and give other people happiness. I respect everyone and believe everyone should be treated with fairness. I like to be trusted and like when I know people who I count on."
"In order for me to succeed, I need to stay determined and passionate towards my goals. I value friendship and surround myself with those to collaborate and celebrate accomplishment with."
Surrounding yourself with positive and successful people is a trial and error process - it takes time to create, develop, and understand friendships. It takes time to know if they have your best interest when it comes to your success and are there to support, not to bring you down and exude negative energy. Learning and identifying these types of people in your friend groups will ultimately impact how you carry yourself day in and day out. Sometimes you may have to remove people from your life; it may be hard on Day 1, but you will move on. And you will grow even stronger and more life-oriented and motivated.
Until next time,
Matthew Ragogna, Life Coach