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My child is struggling with: Self-Confidence and Self-Esteem

Updated: Jan 30, 2018

Do you find yourself constantly thinking or saying, “My child is struggling with ...”?


Self-confidence and self-esteem ... by far the most common occurrence that I have come across with clients, athletes, and youth in the world today.

Self-Confidence: refers to how your child feels about their own abilities and can vary from situation to situation.

Self-Esteem: refers to how your child feels about themself overall.

Positive and Negative Indicators of Self Confidence

There are signs you can look out for to tell if your child is self-confident. These include:

  • Good posture with a relaxed walk

  • Giving and receiving praise relatively with ease

  • Attempting new tasks and challenges

  • Handling positive and negative emotions

  • Refusing to get immediately upset when things go differently than planned (tolerating frustration)

There are also some things that you can look out for that may indicate that your child is lacking confidence, including:

  • Awkward at accepting praise from others

  • Little confidence in body language (head down while walking and reluctant to make eye contact)

  • Not joining in on activities or in class; being shy or timid

  • Put down their own talents and abilities

  • Pre-expectation that they will fail at tasks they try or when when obstacles occur

A lack of self-esteem from youth throughout my interactions the past years have come from being part of or subject to:

  • Unrealistic expectations: Sometimes youth set goals that unfortunately are completely out of reach. That being said – goals are supposed to be set high; but making sure that a plan is set, and kids understand that it will not always come right away are necessary.

  • Viewing the success of those around them: this is a tough one. Kids develop at different speeds; physically, mentally, and emotionally. Understanding their own strengths and how to utilize them to their success is important!

  • Immediate frustration due to lack of progress towards their goal. I mentioned this last week in my blog about building championship habits and celebrating small successes. If you promote small achievements to your kids, they can begin to develop more initiative and motivation towards reaching a larger goal.

Sometimes just sitting down with your child and identifying these frustrations can lead to a better realization and understanding of their own strengths and goals.

What can you do to help your children's self esteem and develop confidence?

1. Encourage Sports and Physical Activity: I'm always a huge fan of sports and the power it has to develop life skills in youth. Regardless of how competitive or even organized their physical activity is, encouraging youth to play with their friends can promote lessons such as fair play, respect for others, and the ability to be creative with their own experiences! Organized sports promote an inclusive culture, others with the same athletic interest, as well as an opportunity to develop a relationship with positive mentor figures (such as a coach).

2. Allow them to make choices and give them responsibility: When kids make their own choices (age appropriate of course), they feel a sense of fulfillment and responsibility. When they help out with chores or have the opportunity to be part of an activity or event, they want to demonstrate their competence and and feel that their contribution is valuable. When something fails, don't always focus on the singularity. Ask them what they could have done to complete it faster, or more efficient, or at all. Don't promote that there is only one option; promote thinking outside the box and creativity! With decision making and responsibility comes the development of problem solving skills - let them figure out challenges and ask for help if needed.

What can a life coach do for your child's

self-esteem and confidence?

Kids who have healthy and higher self-esteem feel more valued and accepted, build their own self-confidence, think good things about themselves, and feel prepared for everyday challenges! Having a life coach working on self-development can lead to your child:

  • Beginning to set goals for self-improvement

  • Learning to handle and manage emotions

  • Having access to the support of an objective and non-judgmental mentor

  • Learning to build confidence and social skills

  • Leaving meetings with a new sense of motivation and boost of inspiration

Both self-esteem and self-confidence are some of my top priority skills to develop with youth today that can be tracked with self-reporting, motivational goals, and working with their unique personalities to develop themselves! Any interest, questions, or intent to get your child started ... contact today!


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